Originator

Scripts from Same Idea

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Sunset Strip Mall - Pilot
(Based on 1 rating)
License:
Views: 42
Comments: 3
Created 3 years, 3 months ago
Edited 6 months, 1 week ago
Category: TV Pilot
Genres: Comedy
Key Words: Video Store, Strip Mall, 90s, Dream Sequence
Page / 1

Comments
ORIGINATOR
Dan Minich (Sent 3 years, 3 months ago)
Any input would be appreciated. Thanks.
Originator found this helpful.
Ricky Rauls (Sent 1 year, 10 months ago)
Give the characters more description. We need to know ages, ethnicity, and attractiveness (although I can assume their all white teenagers).

Drop the teaser(The miscommunication bit is getting old, let's just let it die).

You miss-spelled manager on pg7.

In the dream sequence, why is Jason Princess Leia, couldn't Megan be Princess Leia and he is trying to lure her to the "dark side"? Just asking?

You should type end of act one and your "finale" is more of a "TAG." A TAG is a short scene at the end of a script that usually provides some upbeat addition to the climax.

I liked it. It's not great but it's interesting. It seems like "That 70's show" meets "6teen".

You should work on the length of your script, It's too long. I would shoot for 35 pages.
  • (4/5 stars)
ORIGINATOR
Dan Minich (Sent 1 year, 10 months ago)
Ricky - You had some great insights. Thanks for the input.