Well, not a lot of experimental stage plays here on Zhura. Bravo on that!
I like this piece, although I think it needs to be edited just to clean up the formatting and such. You've got a few lines that ended up in the wrong formatting, but it's not unreadable. You'll definitely want to clean it up if you're going to send this out!
I really think this is a well-done scene, and I'm usually not one for experimental. It's far more absurdist than surreal, but I can see touches of both throughout. You've got some very good pacing on it, and things escalate at a very comfortable speed.
The canned laughter is good, (very surrealist, I think) but I worry you might have used a bit heavy-handedly. You've got a few areas where it comes almost after each line, then others where you'll go over a page without it. It could be good or bad, because on one hand it draws attention to it's artificial nature, but I'm worried it will distract too much from the dialogue and you might lose some lines.
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I like this piece, although I think it needs to be edited just to clean up the formatting and such. You've got a few lines that ended up in the wrong formatting, but it's not unreadable. You'll definitely want to clean it up if you're going to send this out!
I really think this is a well-done scene, and I'm usually not one for experimental. It's far more absurdist than surreal, but I can see touches of both throughout. You've got some very good pacing on it, and things escalate at a very comfortable speed.
The canned laughter is good, (very surrealist, I think) but I worry you might have used a bit heavy-handedly. You've got a few areas where it comes almost after each line, then others where you'll go over a page without it. It could be good or bad, because on one hand it draws attention to it's artificial nature, but I'm worried it will distract too much from the dialogue and you might lose some lines.
Good luck and keep up the good work!
My favorite part.