Originator

Scripts from Same Idea

Nothing here right now.
The Good Bye Guy
(Based on 4 ratings)
License:
Views: 54
Comments: 17
Created 7 months, 1 week ago
Edited 1 week, 19 hours ago
Category: Feature Film
Key Words: ed van dreal, van dreal, edward van dreal, screenplays for sale, movie scripts for sale
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Comments
ORIGINATOR
edward g van dreal (Sent 7 months, 1 week ago)
To Buy This Script Call 605-877-2233
www.vandreal.com
Kristie Wright Haines (Sent 6 months, 3 weeks ago)
Ed--

I went to give your script a look and immediately ran into a problem. You start off by telling us, "The dialogue is weak. I'm just placing it in for reference." Not going to get many takers beyond that--

I think you'd better serve yourself by taking the beginning remarks and outline down. Write this the way you intend it to read and then let people give you feedback on areas to improve if there are areas to improve. Not to sound harsh, but this looks more like a listing on Craigslist than a script.
ORIGINATOR
edward g van dreal (Sent 6 months, 3 weeks ago)
You make a good point. I will pull the out line.
Lloyd Schwartz (Sent 6 months, 2 weeks ago)
It was just okay.
  • (3/5 stars)
Originator found this helpful.
Paul DiVario (Sent 5 months, 2 days ago)
Lool i know a guy called david bishop, kinda funny, its a good story though
Originator found this helpful.
Richie V (Sent 5 months, 2 days ago)
I would begin the movie with David Bishop as a kid, he has just built a model rocket. When the rocket launches into the sky he tells his friends "One Day I'm going to be astronaut." Cut to present day, David bishop is at work and he clearly isn't an astronaut. We now know that David had a dream and the dream was never fulfilled.

Store clerk: What will you do if you win?
David: I don't know (Far away look) Something. Doesn't matter I never win these things anyway.

Because the audience knows his dream was unfulfilled he doesn't have to tell us in a big speech what he would do with the money, the audience will fill in the blanks.

Start with action. A rocket soaring into the sky and a kid with a look of glee on his face. Not dialog telling us he once had a dream.

I believe the concept is strong. How many of us once had dreams of being and astronaut or an astronomer? Probably quite a lot.
ORIGINATOR
edward g van dreal (Sent 5 months, 2 days ago)
A great idea Richie. I think I will take your advice and start making changes on it this week. I really like the idea and you are right about the tie in. Thanks man...
Lloyd Schwartz (Sent 5 months, 2 days ago)
I like Richie's idea. My father would have loved to produce something like this. Go with Richie's idea and think about a happy ending. Your ending rocks but people don't like to cry in movie theaters now days. Women would love it but getting your man to go with you would be a hard task, and the studios hate taking chances like that.
Asha Iyengar (Sent 4 months, 1 week ago)
I hated it.
  • (1/5 stars)
ORIGINATOR
edward g van dreal (Sent 4 months, 5 days ago)
So, what was it that you hated? Was it the fact that it was sad? Was it the fact that I have not developed the characters as of yet? Was the story to "chick flick," which is what I was going for?
ORIGINATOR
edward g van dreal (Sent 4 months, 5 days ago)
I am so glad you took the time to read the entire script. That alone tells me that you are a good person. If you had not read the entire script and just shot out a comment, then that would have told me something else. Anyway, thank you so much for giving me input.
ORIGINATOR
edward g van dreal (Sent 4 months, 5 days ago)
When I was in film school the first thing, I learned that most writers have a hard time grasping is that you must be able to handle negative comments about your work. This helps us learn as writers.
Originator found this helpful.
Brandon Joseph Addison (Sent 4 months, 5 days ago)
I had the same person to view my script. Only problem is he/she didn't know what it was really about, she/he just thought it was another werewolf movie. She/he just read 30 pages and jumped to that conculsion. I would ignore it!
Originator found this helpful.
Nelson Amador (Sent 4 months, 3 days ago)
I loved it!
  • (5/5 stars)
Originator found this unhelpful.
Earl Yauncey (Sent 1 month, 3 days ago)
I hated it.
  • (1/5 stars)
ORIGINATOR
edward g van dreal (Sent 4 weeks, 1 day ago)
Earl Yauncey hates everything. He is a stocker on this web site, and franky he does not give constructive comments. He hates himself and his life. He is a very sad person. I prefer to stay positive about my life.
Lloyd Schwartz (Sent 2 weeks, 3 days ago)
Needs some work and better dialoge but a real enteresting story. Supper origanal and that is what the movies goers want right now.
  • (5/5 stars)