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I-NEVER
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(Based on 10 ratings)
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Views: 158
Comments: 7
Comments: 7
Created 4 years, 8 months ago
Edited 11 months, 2 weeks ago
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Honey, I’m not sure that’s an appropriate game for my new boss, his wife, and his parents...
It seems like this line is there to obviously tell us who everyone is. It becomes more organic or real if you let this info come out over the course of the scene. Something to always keep in mind is that whenever possible SHOW don't TELL.
I would also keep working on the ending. Try a whole bunch of different endings. Really heighten the hell out of it. Then you can draw it back in, but at least this may get you to some places you never would have thought of.