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A Day in the Life (working title)
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(Based on 3 ratings)
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Views: 115
Comments: 19
Comments: 19
By - K -
Created 3 years, 10 months ago
Edited 3 years, 5 months ago
Category: Feature Film
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I like the interview, but I think they need more business to do, just so it's not such a long stretch of them talking. Perhaps he gives Marshall a walking tour of some of the facilities as they discuss benefits? That'd give a chance to show more of the inner workings of the office.
Any of y'all ever play the game "Evil Genius?" That's the kind of office I'm thinking of.
I tried throwing some random personalities into the montage before Marshall's interview, but I'm worried I took it a bit too far. What do you guys think?
While it was fun, and it did take the project from 2 to 17 pages, the private group was not working so well anymore. I thought I'd take the idea back into the public eye to play around with before perhaps moving it to a public group.
It's gone from being a starter idea to being a mish-mash of random jokes and kinda mini-sketches. What I'd like to see is sort of the flip-side of Austin Powers, without risking myself by heading into Austin Powers III territory.
I'd love for ya to keep going with this and I'd be happy to help if ya wanted.
The whole interview process is pretty good as is the taping of the ultimatum to London.
Favourite lines are Marshall explaining about his prostate check up in case he get's captured and Neil talking bout guys who ' looked like bloody chartered accountants. You'd think they were coming to audit you, and you'd be dead on the floor of your office by the time they left".
I think the cafeteria scene could be better with some more gags thrown in there for the girls serving food, maybe one keeps coming onto Neil.
I'll just throw idea here.
Neil showing his 'normal" house on MTV CRIBS, his mother and father always setting him up with girls.
Oh maybe Jared lives his dream by going on a reality tv show, ending up fighting with the contestants/ accidentally throwing out Neil's master plan's.
Ah one other idea if you want it, in the interview process. Someone says hello, Neil and Jared can't see anyone. They say hello looking around. A midget jumps up onto the seat, onto the table, karate kicks Jared, knocking him off the seat.
Neil - 'Ver nice, but little people piss me off"
Just an idea
Then, the wryly in Neil's first bit of dialogue should just be "to himself" not "talking to himself"... we know he's talking because it's dialogue. And then the Cont'd dialogue "Perfect" should have no wryly b/c you've just established that Neil is speaking "to himself". We know he's the only one around at the moment, so it's implied that he's talking to himself.
Still on p. 1 -- Neil stirs his coffee "six times clockwise and five times anti-clockwise"... it's counter clockwise, and is there significance that he stirs his coffee exactly 6 times one way and exactly 5 times the other way? If this is some kind of OCD thing then perhaps he should COUNT the stirs in each direction. And if there is no significance to it being EXACTLY 6 and EXACTLY 5 then he could simply stir his coffee or stir "a few times clockwise and a few times counter clockwise."
End of the first scene -- if the house maids are "unseen" then how will we know they are there? Do you mean that they are unseen to Neil? If so, just indicate that Neil drops his clothes, walks out of site, and then the house maids pick up the clothes.
p. 4 -- "a MONTAGE of the interviews follows"... all you need is MONTAGE, then indicate each "CUT TO" with just two dashes... "--"
I agree with Josh above... this ends without notice. Perhaps you're not done?? I don't know. But the format throws me off. It's hard to enjoy any of the comedy. There are some good moments, good lines, but it's not easy to follow... for me, at least. I'm just too used to proper formatting.
This was and still is a "just for fun" project. If you check the authorship, you'll see that the three other writers and myself really just went back and forth with little vingettes trying to speculate what the evil genuis did between the movies. I admit a lot of the formatting is bad, but this was more just for the love of a good chuckle than any hopes of sale.
Oh, and yes it's not done. You'll see a lot of unfinished projects here on Zhura. You don't only post work when it's done, you can post at any stage and get help developing or ironing out your idea. It's a wonderful community here, with a lot of very supportive writers.
Why not give it a try? Do you have any work you'd care to share?