Originator

Scripts from Same Idea

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Summer Session - Pilot
(Based on 7 ratings)
License:
Views: 160
Comments: 18
Created 2 years, 3 weeks ago
Edited 1 year, 9 months ago
Category: TV Pilot
Key Words: Mockumentary Black Comedy Pilot Summer S...
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Comments
Originator found this helpful.
Armada Guy (John Ellis) (Sent 2 years, 3 weeks ago)
You have this listed as a sitcom, when I looked it up under "Scripts." If that's the case, 22 pages is the max. But that's okay, because the story doesn't start until the introduction scene, where Hsia makes the kids stand up and intro themselves. The dialogue is pretty good from there on. Before that, what little info that is crucial to the story can be inserted during or after the intro scene (or in later episodes). Before that it's cliche, stilted and not very funny.
But from the intro scene on, it's pretty good. Sort of a "Breakfast Club" sitcom. You know, though, by making it about summer school, you've limited yourself to one season. If this eventually gets into some real people's hands, they're going to see that as a big drawback. Sitcoms need to have storylines had could conceivably go on forever.
But that's a separate problem. The script has some pretty good potential; cutting the first 20 pages, and giving the kids better twists (like a preppy guy who talks like a gangsta, or the hot Latina who's really a brainiac), would vastly improve it.
Good start!
ORIGINATOR
Steven Piccione (Sent 2 years, 3 weeks ago)
Thanks man, comments like this help. The conceivable second season would be, and I guess this is a spoiler alert, the experiences of the kids when they are shoved back into their social classes when the new school year starts in fall. Most of the characters are rising seniors, so it would be their last year, which would take fear away from being tormented in the future years of high school. As you could probably tell, this is a black comedy basically making fun of dramatic teenagers (i.e. "No one understands me" "My life is over"), but also on the ridiculous ways parents interact with their kids (i.e. "My son/daughter must be perfect").
Originator found this helpful.
Theresa Hummer (Sent 2 years, 2 weeks ago)
Refreshing…
  • (5/5 stars)
Originator found this helpful.
Kate Herrell (Sent 2 years, 1 week ago)
hahaha. yes. great.
  • (5/5 stars)
Richard Nickerson (Sent 2 years, 3 days ago)
I agree with Kate!!
holy crap, i really liked this…
the principal is so evil!! (but in a good way?), is she actually a nice lady..or just a bi*ch?
If i could change anything (and im guessing you put this on zhura so people can comment?), i would try to make a more solid closing.

best of luck!! <3
Richard Nickerson (Sent 2 years, 3 days ago)
lol i forgot to rate!
  • (5/5 stars)
Christopher Jay Melendez (Sent 2 years, 14 hours ago)
I loved it!
  • (5/5 stars)
Originator found this helpful.
Ricky Rauls (Sent 1 year, 11 months ago)
At first I did not understand what all the praise was about. I initially thought it sucked. Regardless of how I felt at first I kept reading and eventually got hooked. I liked the idea and the clever writing. I cringed when I read the description of Tom Fellman. He was given little description and is characterized as being a "black boy" and a popular friend of Drake. I would like to see either more of a description of him or removed. At this point I just feel he is the token black guy and I hate seeing those on sitcoms. I hate to throw out the race thing but other than that great job.
Ricky Rauls (Sent 1 year, 11 months ago)
I loved it!
  • (5/5 stars)
ORIGINATOR
Steven Piccione (Sent 1 year, 11 months ago)
Richard - I'm glad you liked it! It's the weirdest thing knowing people (that aren't friends and/or family) are reading your work and liking it, or actually just reading it at all. Thanks! To answer your question on Jane Brooks (the principal): No. She is not 100% evil, she too has her nice moments like the rest of us mortals, though they are few and far in between. : )

Ricky - First of all, thank you for taking the time to give your input, and I agree with you; Tom actually isn't supposed to show up until the second episode, so him being the friend that Drake high-fives is a typo and is bland. You are right on another issue too, his character description is very cookie-cutter and distasteful, again, not meant to be displayed in the pilot. Don't worry, Tom has one of the lead roles in the show and I made sure he wasn't the token black guy…I hate when shows write those parts in, so to please the viewers with "diversity." (Can anyone say "Stanley" from The Office?" or "Twofer" in 30 Rock?…though, I do love those shows)
Originator found this helpful.
Dawn Chapman (Sent 1 year, 11 months ago)
I really liked it, and I think it has a lot of funny moments in it.

Your characters speak for themselves, and I really think you should carry on and keep plugging with this one.

D
  • (4/5 stars)
Allie Whitford (Sent 1 year, 11 months ago)
deliciously funny!! XD

This seems all "official" if that makes any sense? I'm still a little confused why there class is gonna be in a documentary, did I miss something?
  • (5/5 stars)
ORIGINATOR
Steven Piccione (Sent 1 year, 11 months ago)
Great question, Brooks (the principal, and seems to be the top cited character on this page lol) is using the class as the subject of a documentary on teens of this generation (Generation Y if you want to be picky). This is all for money, of course. She is not a very warm person, especially to "children."
Ricky Rauls (Sent 1 year, 11 months ago)
Is the underline necessary for the script? I found it distracting. I wasn't sure if this was done by mistake or intentionally?
ORIGINATOR
Steven Piccione (Sent 1 year, 11 months ago)
OK, after days of wrestling with the format, it's public again!
(Sorry I took it off so abruptly).
Allie Whitford (Sent 1 year, 11 months ago)
I love the changes, u have a couple spelling errors and just grammar stuff..but it doesn't matter right now.

keep on trucking!

Allie
  • (5/5 stars)
sonic thrillington (Sent 1 year, 11 months ago)
this is well writen.
ORIGINATOR
Steven Piccione (Sent 1 year, 9 months ago)
This Pilot is much different than the one I originally posted two months ago. I hope you guys like it :)