Originator

Scripts from Same Idea

Nothing here right now.
Undiscovered Island
License:
Views: 31
Comments: 14
Created 2 years, 2 weeks ago
Edited 1 year, 10 months ago
Category: Feature Film
Page / 1

Comments
Edwin (Sent 1 year, 11 months ago)
Wow. How old are you?

First things first. I didn't finish it. I doubt I could in the current state the script is in.

Learn how to properly format a script, spell and use punctuation. Please!

What is the point of the script? Is this wish fulfillment for you?
Ayokunle Falomo (Sent 1 year, 11 months ago)
Mr Edwin is back... where you been?
ORIGINATOR
Travis E. (Sent 1 year, 11 months ago)
???
Ayokunle Falomo (Sent 1 year, 11 months ago)
(???)? just kidding... Got carried away a little with Mr Edwin's return. I'd follow his advice... But might I add, Try to introduce your characters in a less generic way, by describing them in a way that we fell attached to them from the get go. Example would be TRAVIS as a young millionaire. It raises the question within me as to how young he is? What does a millionaire look like? What is he wearing? or Kimberly, what makes her attractive? Then, you did not introduce clay, we don't know who he is (not that readers can't figure it out he is the officer), but for the sake of art, that introduction is necessary. Then, where did Leon come from? Who is he? Then we don't know where SHELBY was all this while before he/she popped out by talking again. Anyways, you get the gist and Good Luck on it....
ORIGINATOR
Travis E. (Sent 1 year, 11 months ago)
can u go and edit wat needs 2 b edited
Ayokunle Falomo (Sent 1 year, 11 months ago)
Got your email dude. As much as I would like to help, I'm already committed to about 2 projects that I'm working on, not mine though that needs help with editing, and stuff like that. Just finished one of them actually, and also due to time constraint, I may not be able to. I'm so sorry. I don't want to promise when I know I might not be able to, however, it the chance for me pops up, I definitely would try to help you. In the meantime, try to check out articles of the internet, take a look at scripts from people on this site like DAWN CHAPMAN, DOUGLAS, JEFF, EZEKIEL KRISTEK, TESS HATFIELD, -K-, HEATHER RYAN, MR GOYINS and so many other people actually. I won't dare forget this useful link too. http://www.zhura.com/discussions/view/1022. Wish you good luck bro.
ORIGINATOR
Travis E. (Sent 1 year, 11 months ago)
how do u make it to wear people can help edit if they want to.because i think i have it set up so nobody but me can edit it
Ayokunle Falomo (Sent 1 year, 11 months ago)
As you're editing the script right now, click on details, and where it says License, click both sections as NO.
Patrick Brennan (Sent 1 year, 11 months ago)
If you really want this script to be taken seriously, you need to learn a thing or two about grammar and spelling. It seems like you just threw a bunch of words together. The tense keep switching up. It's crazy. So FIRST brush up on your English, then SECOND maybe buy a screenwriting book or at least research screenwriting on the internet. THIRD, go through this script and fix everything...because there's too many errors to count man.
Patrick Brennan (Sent 1 year, 11 months ago)
I edited the first page. Maybe you can look at that and learn from it. Sorry but I'm not going to go through and edit your entire script.
ORIGINATOR
Travis E. (Sent 1 year, 11 months ago)
y did u put 10 and 13
Patrick Brennan (Sent 1 year, 10 months ago)
That's their approximate age. I don't know what age you want them to be so I just guessed.
Eric Peter Schwartz (Sent 1 year, 10 months ago)
Travis,

A couple of things. Story wise, rethink having Travis start out rich. The best stories, traditionally, have the hero start from humble beginnings. Right now - the story is guy is rich and successful and then gets EVEN MORE successful. You almost immediately lose the audience.

Everyone has previously discussed the grammar and formatting, so I will only mention it in passing... and that moment has passed.

When you have someone speaking in a different language (especially a made up one)and you plan to translate on screen, you can simply indicate the language they are speaking in parenthesis and then just type the translation. For example.
TRAVIS
(in Mandarin)
Don't eat that!!

The real thing I wanted to bring up is in your messages: "can u go and edit wat needs 2 b edited"? Let me first say - people here will give you a critical examination and words of advice. If they edit, they will do a short example - but only to show YOU (or U) how to do it. It's a little presumptuous to think anybody here is simply going to correct your mistakes. How will you ever learn? If you handed in an essay to a teacher, they point out the mistakes... do you then say "yeah, fix those for me, would you?" I'm really telling you this for your benefit. If you don't learn to do stuff on your own, you will never be able to do it.

Sorry, I don't want to discourage you from writing or using Zhura, it's a great resource. But that attitude kind of irked me.
ORIGINATOR
Travis E. (Sent 1 year, 10 months ago)
i wanted somebody to edit this for me so i can use what is given to me and learn from it by having an example