Originator

Scripts from Same Idea

Nothing here right now.
The Labyrinth
(Based on 4 ratings)
License:
Views: 294
Comments: 17
Created 1 year, 11 months ago
Edited 3 months, 2 weeks ago
Category: Feature Film
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Comments
Originator found this helpful.
Adam Levitt (Sent 1 year, 11 months ago)
Yes you figured it out. And this is even better than the one you had before
Originator found this helpful.
Ricky Rauls (Sent 1 year, 11 months ago)
I didn't read the first but I like this one.
ORIGINATOR
Garrett Burns (Sent 1 year, 11 months ago)
Thank you Ricky and thank you Adam I love good reviews.
Originator found this helpful.
thinktank (Sent 1 year, 11 months ago)
i'm digging it man.
Originator found this helpful.
Zach Hanson (Sent 1 year, 11 months ago)
yess sounds BA
Originator found this helpful.
Ian F White (Sent 1 year, 11 months ago)
Found this by accident - just thought I'd pass some constructive comments on first three pages...
Is it a spec script? If so, don't need most of the camera directions and transitions.
Introduce your three guys in the tunnel (age, brief description) before they talk.
Parentheses on separate liones tabbed.
"God" has capital "G" whether he believes in him or not.
Formatting for Paul's first dialogie is wrong.
Try to cut out passive "-ing" words.
Use you slug lines as a 'location'. Descrive the location in the first Action line. Action lines in lower case, not CAPS.
Only use parentheses after Character and/or before Dialogue.
Slug Line eg. INT. SKEETER'S CAR - NIGHT
That's all you need say. Then describe anything important about it in the first Action line.
Other than that, the characters need a little work but the story sounds promising.
Keep at it.
Cheers
Ian
ORIGINATOR
Garrett Burns (Sent 1 year, 11 months ago)
Thank you I appreciate that. Never would have noticed.
Originator found this helpful.
Robert T Benson (Sent 1 year, 10 months ago)
I really liked it. See the comment
  • (4/5 stars)
Originator found this helpful.
Robert T Benson (Sent 1 year, 10 months ago)
Like the dialoig and character transitions, they maintain character and run their rhythm's well.
Not a prude by any means but the use of 'fuck' gets excessive enough to lose its impact in places but other than that it moves swiftly and intelligently.
ORIGINATOR
Garrett Burns (Sent 1 year, 10 months ago)
Rob im basing most of the story off of the way me and my friends speak. The use of fuck loses all meaning because we do say it all the time it's kind of the point, but thank you so much for the comment and im glad that you like it.
Originator found this helpful.
Ian F White (Sent 1 year, 10 months ago)
First time you introduce a speaking character, his/her name is in CAPS with (age) and a brief descrition (just mention important stuff that affects the story)
Parentheticals on a line of their own, tabbed forwards of dialogue.
Originator found this helpful.
sonic thrillington (Sent 1 year, 9 months ago)
dispte spelling errors its a great story
  • (5/5 stars)
ORIGINATOR
Garrett Burns (Sent 1 year, 9 months ago)
Thank you so much. Ive just been trying to get the story out. The spelling corrections will come with time. Thanks again
Originator found this helpful.
Adam Levitt (Sent 1 year, 8 months ago)
Glad to see it finished. Looks AWESOME. Story's great and editing will come later. (5/5 Stars)
Originator found this helpful.
Adam Levitt (Sent 1 year, 8 months ago)
I loved it!
  • (5/5 stars)
Originator found this helpful.
Connor Martin (Sent 1 year, 8 months ago)
I enjoyed this quite a bit, dialogue could use a little tweaking and there are a few formatting errors, but it really moves quick and keeps you reading. I would suggest being less detailed with description, directors usually like to picture character details on their own unless they are absolutely necessary.

Absolutely Brilliant project though. I can tell you've put lots of time and effort into it.
  • (4/5 stars)
Originator found this helpful.
sonic thrillington (Sent 1 year, 6 months ago)
i love the final product garret