Originator

Scripts from Same Idea

Nothing here right now.
Work in Progress - Tainted Love
(Based on 1 rating)
License:
Views: 39
Comments: 6
Created 1 year, 11 months ago
Edited 1 month, 2 weeks ago
Category: Sitcom
Genres: Comedy
Page / 1

Comments
ORIGINATOR
Ricky Rauls (Sent 1 year, 11 months ago)
This is the second script for this idea. If you don't read the first you will be confused at some parts.
Originator found this helpful.
Patrick Brennan (Sent 1 year, 11 months ago)
Very good. I liked it alot more than the pilot episode. Much more comedic and silly, clever and offbeat. First, go through the script and look for any errors. You have a few spelling errors and alot of interrogative sentences that need question marks. Second, maybe you should extend Act One a little bit. Usually, each page represents one minute of screen time. So, your act would be about 2 minutes or less. I would add to the dialogue or add more descriptive action or something. Great job, keep it up! I really like how the series is coming along!
ORIGINATOR
Ricky Rauls (Sent 1 year, 11 months ago)
Thanks a lot.
Dan Minich (Sent 1 year, 10 months ago)
This was funnier, and edgier, than the pilot. I like the "Chasing Amy" vibe (I say that as a Kevin Smith fan, so take that as a compliment).

I noticed that you used "Richard" in place of "Michael" on pages 3, 9 and 19.

One other idea is to consider leaving the pregnancy question open at the end of the episode (hint at it in this one), so you can bring it into the next episode cliff-hanger style.
Dan Minich (Sent 1 year, 10 months ago)
The kid's show is a great idea that could pay off with more laughs in future episodes. You could include more embarassing interaction with the kids or other characters.
  • (4/5 stars)
ORIGINATOR
Ricky Rauls (Sent 1 year, 10 months ago)
Thanks. The kids show will be a major source of comedy in the scripts.