Originator

Scripts from Same Idea

Nothing here right now.
Mismatched
License:
Views: 54
Comments: 6
Created 3 years, 4 months ago
Edited 1 year, 9 months ago
Category: Stage Play
Genres: Comedy
Key Words: college roommate mismatch
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Comments
Originator found this helpful.
Stripes (Sent 3 years, 4 months ago)
I think you give away waaaay too much in the action lines. IE: "His appearance would give someone the impression that he frequented online role playing games like World of Warcraft." I don't think that's necessary. By the end of what you have so far, I think we understand that Tim plays MMORPGS.

And I'm pretty sure, based on my gaming knowledge, that "pwning" is pronounced "poe-ning", and "nubs" should be "noobs". But maybe you knew that, and you just wanted to make Tim look like a dweeb. Haha. If so, then just... ignore this whole paragraph. And I offer my apologies.

But I do like this script. I, personally, find it hilarious. Nothing's predictable to me! All the comedy is fresh and unexpected. Very nice job on the story.
Originator found this helpful.
- K - (Sent 3 years, 4 months ago)
I agree with Stripes. It doesn't take long for you to establish Tim through his actions and dialogue especially, so you can cut out all the re-explaining.

My roommate sophomore year was actually very much like this. Guy loved to play his Halo. In our room. Without headphones. Until 3 in the morning. With the monitor facing BOTH our beds.

I wanted to strangle him so bad.
Stripes (Sent 3 years, 4 months ago)
P-Poor K!
ORIGINATOR
Cody Strand (Sent 2 years, 9 months ago)
Thanks for the comments! I went back and revised the action lines to try and take out the unnecessary things. I actually finished the first scene! If there are any more trouble spots or things that could be improved PLEASE let me know! I'd rather have someone tear this sucker apart than sugar coat things.

Again, thanks so much for reading and responding. It means a great deal!
Originator found this helpful.
Tess Hatfield (Sent 2 years, 7 months ago)
It was funny. And that's about all it needs to be. Your characters display great chemistry (or, I should say, antichemistry. If that's even a word. Which according to spell check it is not!). Also, this is easy to picture as a low-budge stage play. You could probably produce it with a local school or drama program, though the language might be a block for some.
"Tim
(Raising his arms in victory) That's right! Who's my bitch?
kyle
(annoyed) I am.
tim
And who just lost all of Asia?
KYLE
I did."

Let me know when you've finished this. I'll give it a run through and see if you have any bugs to iron out.

My favorite lines:

"You can't just stop in the middle of the game, Kyle. It's like stopping in the middle of Jumanji."
"Kyle, you need to take a few chill pills with a tall glass of calm the fuck down."
ORIGINATOR
Cody Strand (Sent 2 years, 7 months ago)
Thanks so much for the feedback! I'm starting to get some direction on where I want to take this piece so I'm going to try and write as much as I can in my free time. Thanks for reading!