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Like Father, Like Son
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(Based on 2 ratings)
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License:
Views: 56
Comments: 11
Comments: 11
By Ryan Croft
Created 2 years, 1 month ago
Edited 2 years, 3 weeks ago
Category: Feature Film
Genres: Comedy
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Things to think about:
-Is the flashback necessary? Does it show something important or could the story just be rearranged to be chronological?
I think that if you flipped it around and Dan was meeting his son's gf for the first time it would work better. So take the scene where they are together (scene on pg 5) and put it towards the end (of the full script, not the 15 pgs). We want to see that Dan and the gf begin to have an organic relationship (meaning that it doesn't just happen out of nowhere).
-Descriptions when introducing a character
-using the f word too many times
-Biotch?
Dawn
1. There's a lot of swearing. I don't see it that much in real life, so that's probably something to clean up.
2. As somebody else said, backround with Dana and James would be great.
3. The names Dan and Dana are too similar. At first, I thought you had made a spelling error! I would probably change on, but mleh.
4. Drinking and driving don't mix! While I know that this is OK for the script, I would make a point of showing how dangorous it is, but that may be my own opinion.
Other than that, it is very good! I can't wait to read more!
FADE IN:
Watch your use of 'bad' words is wearing, should be just, wears. Is carrying, should be just, carries.
I'd remove the swearing, most scripts in this category, don't have it in.
Some of your grammar needs work. Your should be You're etc.
All in all though, not bad.
Good luck in the comp. I'm entering too :)
Dawn